Graduate School Admission Results

I was so shocked when I got the call. Who even uses phones anymore? mean, Why they didn't DM me on Twitter instead? My CV includes having founded several high-tech companies, but my recent achievement, buying a public social media company, is I think what bumped me to the top of their applicant pool. I have been to Gates before and it is grossly outdated, I will likely need to donate some money to build a new building that I would actually want to spend time in- as well as add some permitted bedrooms in case I need to work late.

3.7 Masters

This is crazy. The past weekend a Stanford PI reached out and said they needed to interview me by Sunday at the latest. However, I was about to go to honey moon with my wife to the Bahamas. I already paid 10k for an all inclusive villa, but I can't risk the spotty wifi there, so I cancelled my trip last minute and stayed home to do my interview. My wife was super upset and left me. I tried to chase after her to explain the situation, but she told me we are over. I was devastated. I was on the brink of taking a small step forward from the edge of my roof top until I got an email notification. "Congratulations, we are excited to offer you admissions to Stanford CS PhD program for Fall 2023." I lost my wife and I almost lost my life, but it is all worth it.

12 1st author publications. 4 best papers. 5 faculty position offers even without a PhD. I wasn't surprised to receive the acceptance email. Instead, I feel dread at what comes next. Admit Day is in March, and I'm not sure how my peers and potential PIs will react to meeting me. I have heard that Stanford is a bit specie-ist, so I am considering going to CMU which I heard is more accepting of ChatGPT instances such as myself.

Received an email to check for a status update to my application

I received a call from the admissions committee today. They informed me that I was the worst applicant who had ever applied to Stanford CS in the history of the program. They were planning on rejecting me but the ghost of Leland Stanford appeared in Gates and began following professors around, telling them that if they don't accept me, all of their future grants will be denied with little to no feedback. The professors called an emergency meeting and decided that given the circumstances it would be best to give me an offer. I am however debating whether to accept this offer or instead a promising one from Grand Canyon University.

6969696969 (THAT'S WRITE i gamed my gre score to have 69s ur mom) ummmm so i like woke up this morning, and this snAIL is like knoking on my windoe with its little eye thiing and im like okie what OWO ;-; its rly early but i then opened the snails shell and it was a letter from Jack leland stanford, the love child of jane and leland (ya they had a 3rd, polyamory yikes). so i am like "ok jack, go off" and jack was like "ok rubberduckysquishy, we noticed htat u had a 169 on ur gre and 69 is my favorite position so we thought that u would be so good for the comooter science phd, ok bai" i was like "omg this is sooooOOOOOO crazy. i can't believe i got into standford !!!!11 i then proceeded to call up jill, jane's twin sister who had an affair with jack (i know its aunt and nephew) and she told me she was the one who got me in." ANNIE WEIGHS ya im in and u l053rs aren't

3 interviews

email: "Thank you for your interest in the PGSP-Stanford PsyD Consortium. It is with deep regret that we must inform you that we cannot offer you an interview for the Consortium this year... With approximately 640 applicants and only 30 openings, we are forced to make fine distinctions among applicants."

Third rejection in a row...feels bad man